A Dozen Things Not to Say to a Poet

1) You write poetry?  Oh, that's nice.  Good for you.

2)  I used to write poetry…when I was young.

3)  You should make a poem out of this.

4)  Do you do any other writing?  Any real writing?

5)  How much money do you make from poetry?

6)  There was a poem I read in school once that I liked, but most of it…oh, man…wtf.

7)  I just wrote this.  Could you read it real quick and tell me what you think?

8)  Could you give me your email or address?  I want to send you some work and then you can tell me where I can get it published.

9)  I really want to buy your book but I’m not going to right now because:  I already bought a book/I left my wallet in the car/I’m hoping to find it at Ed McKay’s/unless you buy mine…

10) Do you think song lyrics are poetry?  I mean what about:   Dylan/Jim Morrison/rap...

11) You should write poems for weddings.  People listen to them.

12)  But you look so normal.

And a bonus

12)  Do you know Billy Collins?  Now, he’s good. You should send him your stuff.